Musings

Musings
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Finally potential converted into kinetic energy.  For after such a long time and broken machinery, time, not maintenance, has repaired his ticker.  But not the physical ticker as you might think.  For such a maiden has pulled his heartstrings and has brought life to him again.  I am so cheery to see him alive.  To see him put forth his energy for another after a hiatus of sequester. 

And as for I, her best friend is mine.  Also am I a cheery one.  Yet apprehensive if I am forced to deviate from my current formula.  Must remind oneself to reside in this point of time.  To not to worry about the time greater than the current.  Better for the electron to gain and lose, than never to have gained an electron at all.

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Hesitant to your credentials.  Say what you hear with no regard to the veracity.  Perhaps my mind, my method, based on research of various sources, accustomed to my mindset.
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Unexpectedly.  Come. 
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I had a dream of you, my caretaker, frolicking with a beautiful dog. Happy as can be.
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Domino effect of disappointment.  Hard work put off for something fun.  Rather satisfy the ones I do not know than to fail them.  More satisfaction to know that quality was given than to have fun with those I know.
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Now, I know I could've saved you.  When I am able to travel back in time, I will save you.  But depending on the way time works, if I save you, I may never arrive to the knowledge that I now know.  Therefore, I won't be able to save you.  So, I will leave time as it is and cherish the time I had with you.
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Priorities out of order. Rationalization ensues.  Selfish; but not you know shielded in your bubble.
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Today, we find out who you really are.  You won't give credit when credit is due.  You won't even say thank you.  You aren't who we thought you were.  Instead we find the true you. Arrogant. Too staid to have some fun. Then you are vituperative, unwilling to be conciliatory. We don't mean to disparage you, you may think I am mendacious, but this is from our views.  Perhaps I embellish, but so does he. Nevertheless, we exonerate you.

Leaving Her House

I exit the wet humid air into a box of artificially cooled and created wind.  I brace myself with my back against the railing.  I pay my fair.  Sudden acceleration challenges my dexterity as I stumble to a seat.  Adjacent to me is a young girl, holding a damp purse.  She stares sadly though the window at the night lit street.  Her emotions infect me.  I stare blindly at the floor.  My wet footprints look like a drunk man had staggered in.  I watch the light and shadows play as this vessel moves throughout the city.  Or maybe the city is moving around us and the vessel is standing still.  I look out to see people holding shields pointing towards the sky.  I see people on bicycles, scooters, and electric bicycles trying to escape the attack from the clouds.  Small rain splatters on the front window but the sides windows are still clear.  An abrupt stop forces me to brace myself against the cold metal poles.  I feel a little nostalgic yet I somehow think about the future. Of what will be.  I've been on this road plenty of times but I'm always amazed at it's constant evolution. 

I hope that the ones I love are okay.  I yearn for the past, but if I had a choice, I would continue to the future.  Life is full of the constant search for the unknown.  I want to know what that unknown is.  Going back won't help to find the unknown. 

I reach my destination.  I dare not rise from my seat and I choose so wisely.  The driver stops abruptly.  If the driver were to deliver ceramic pots, he would be delivering fragments of clay. I let the sad girl in front of me.  She smiles at me.  Her melancholy face vanishes for a moment.  She is beautiful.  The cold air disappears and a warm glow radiates from behind her.  A warm feeling feels the air.  It feels like winter turning into spring.  I hear birds chirping as the winter snow melts. I feel the bright sunshine warming my face.  But then it fades when her smile returns to her solemn face.  When a girl smiles, I truly see her outer beauty.

 I'm back in the cold air conditioned air.  She exits as I also step off of the platform.  Back into the hot and humid air.  My glasses fog up due to the high temperature difference.  No need to deploy the shield for the sky; the rain has subsided.  I walk to a small shop known throughout the world, but to me in an unusual place of which the difference is negative three (-3).  I enter and hear the chime to indicate that someone has entered to the workers.  I look for my favorite treat; a small coconut pie.  I see two fresh ones and I make haste to grab them.  But then I remember there is a special spot for discounted items.  I see two pies.  I return the fresh ones and grab the two-for-one discount.  In addition, I grab some other items. The cute faced cashier recognizes me and smiles.  She utters to me a question in her country's official language.  I nod my head yes.  She puts my items in a bag and recites the price to me.  I always glance at the display to make sure I understand correctly.  As I search for exact change, she utters something to me.  I don't understand her but I do understand 'water'.  I usually buy two big bottles of water.  Perhaps she asked me if I wanted to buy water.  But I just give her the money and smile.

I walk down a long road.  Very quiet at night.  Very busy during the day.  It always looks different at night.  I pass a restaurant that is always busy late at night.  I continue down the road and see a few fruit stands selling a few more pieces of fruit before closing up.  I hear the barks of dogs at the kennel.  I smell the putrid smell of the sewer near the grates in the road.  I pass by a small snack shop that I often visit.  The man can speak a little bit of English and I've never seen him wear a shirt.  Perhaps that will change when the weather gets cooler.  His wife, I assume, always suggests to me things to eat.  Usually, I like what she suggests to me to buy, but sometimes I don't like them.  Western and Eastern tastes vary greatly.

I walk under my building. Many cars with blinking lights of their alarm system.  I pull out my pass card to open the gate.  The doorman watches me.  I wouldn't like to be on the night shift as a doorman.  I would be very bored.  I often want to offer them a cool drink on a hot day and a hot beverage on a cold day.  Now that my language skills have improved a little bit, I think I can actually try to do that.  But then again, it's not that difficult to offer a drink to someone; you don't really need to use verbal language. Nevertheless.  I walk through the gate to enter my building.  The door to my building is often left open even though there is a sign to close the door.  I pull the door shut as I enter.  The elevator is on the top floor.  I would've taken the steps up but my legs are fatigued from riding my bicycle everyday.  As I wait for the elevator to come  down, a man has trouble opening the door.  I see him struggle with his pass card.  Either it doesn't work or he doesn't know where to put it to open the door.  I open the door for him.  He says 'thank you' in his native language.  By then the elevator as arrived and is waiting for passengers to enter.  We enter and I ask him "go where?".  He says the second floor.  He could've taken the stairs.

I finally reach my floor and enter the empty apartment. Home. Though not my home.  My dad said "Home is where you hang your hat".  We had a sign that said "Home is where you hang your heart".  Some say, "Home is where you lay your head." Whatever your definition of home is, I am home.  It's a mess as I left it.  But the next day is cleaning day so I will take care of it then.  I take a quick shower in my unusually large bathroom.  I hop on the computer to instant message my girlfriend that I'm safely home.  We chat for a while but then say goodnight.  It was cool enough to sleep without the air conditioner but not cool enough to sleep without a fan.  So I switched on the fan and pointed it towards me.  Comfortable, I fell asleep on the couch for the night.

Cheers to the future!

I knew it was inevitable, but I didn't think it would happen this soon.  We're growing up.  Although, to me, we never grow up, we just have more responsibilities. 

My best friend, my roommate, my cousin is moving out and moving in with his fiancee.  I have mixed feelings.  So proud to see him with his happiness. So sad to be alone for awhile.  I don't mean to sound arrogant, but in a strange way, I helped him find his happiness.  It was my purpose to help him along the way.

I ran into this random guy at a random restaurant who knew a not so random guy who was looking for teachers.  Unfortunately, they only needed one.  I let him, my cousin, have the position because I knew he has obligations back home.  

I, maybe not so randomly, met this guy who knew this girl looking for a teacher who had a neighbor moving out.  We were looking for an apartment. Tada, we found a great apartment. 

Directly beneath that apartment, a training centre opened up.  I finally got the courage to go in and talk to the owner.  Soon she held an event where I met many people.  My cousin and I attended.  That there is where the magic happened.  Our future forever changed (or perhaps it was forever changed when we stepped foot on that jet plane).  The love of my life was there and the love of my cousin's life was there, but of course, we didn't know that at the time.

The train rolled on and a close gathering of friends started hanging out.  Things reminiscent of high school occurred and D and I are together as well as L and L.

Giddy to see him on the day of his proposal.  It felt great to be part of a life changing experience.

A little bit exasperated he has been with the culture difference, but in the end it has worked out just fine.

Only I worry about the financial difficulties that he will face.  Several times, I've offered to help with his budget since I was treasurer of my fraternity, but he neglected to respond.  Ist it my business to remind him of his duties. Or is it none of my business.

He follows his heart.

Logic will always break my heart.

Nevertheless, I digress to say, onward journey for the rest of your life.  To you, much I wish you two happiness! You deserve it for it has been long awaited.

Valentine's Days

Feb 14
I made shrimp scampi for Dorothy.  However, the fire alarm sounded so I had to abandon cooking for a moment.   I went outside with a few other tenants.  The guard spoke on the radio and some tenants from my building went back inside so I followed.  I guess it was an accident or malfunction.

I bought three gifts for Dorothy and gave them to her one at a time. First I sat the bunny basket on the table prior to her arrival.

The bunny, roses, and candle

We ate the shrimp scampi but I put much pasta in it. However, we ended up eating it all.

Then I gave her the chocolates. The kisses chocolate wtih almonds was the first candy I ever gave her.

almonds encased in a teardrop shape of chocolate

She washed the dishes, although I told her not to but she insisted.   I helped a little but before she was done I snuck off to get her third gift.   A necklace.  Two hearts, a large heart containing a smaller heart with a diamond cubic zirconia in the middle.

Shiny

She liked them all

March 14
In Asia, March 14 is a response to Valentine's Day. I'm not sure if it has a name, but this time the women give gifts to the men.

Waiting for the bus

I wanted to go to Cafe Flore, a somewhat romantically lit cafe. It has red walls, dim lighting, and really good food.  Including an unusual but delicious dish that is garlic bread topped with mashed potatoes and ham. Best. Thing. Ever.

After dinner, we ordered the ice cream for two. It was actually very sweet and very huge. It had four cookie straws, whip cream, chocolate ice cream, four Oreos (real Oreos not fake ones), more whip cream, six squares of chocolate wafers, and more chocolate ice cream. It will cure any sweet tooth as well as rot one.

Chocolate overload

She gave me a unique hybrid of the superman symbol and spider-man . I think it's pretty cool.

Super-Spider-Man-Symbiote

And then a duck.  You are probably wondering why she gave me a rubber ducky.  And no, I don't have a bath tub.

Our duck faces

Years ago, a random yellow rubber ducky showed up in the back of my dad's pickup truck.  We don't know where it came from nor who put it there, but it stayed there and traveled with him wherever he went.  So, this duck is for me, to go wherever I travel.

A note Dorothy wrote to me on the gift box

Other Gifts
I can't remember the exact day, but it was well after March 14. Dorothy showed up with a random gift. There's a picture from the Burnt Fortune Cookie blog of a gift that Dorothy gave me. Well, she slapped that picture on a shirt and gave it to me. My dad used to do that; pick pictures or phrases and put them on a t-shirt; it was fun.

So, this a picture of me wearing a shirt, that Dorothy gave to me, with a picture that I took of a gift that Dorothy gave me, Superbunny.  [confused]

More Musings

Chasing Bugs
Never chase a butterfly. It will fly away. When I'm not looking, or too tired, the butterfly will come to me. It will land in my hand. It will stay until I move. But I move so slow and gentle that it stays with me. She. She is. She is love. She is my love.

Hope
She spilled her heart out to me. Her hopes and dreams. Began with saying that she could be a model. Asking if she could make it alone. Truly a good guy my friend says of me to her. Two years wait and maybe a common language we will speak. Hope and dreams she said to me, to make a plan. When we go, when we go, when we go. For her, my friend translates, "I know you don't understand me, but just listen to the tone in my voice". When we go, when we go, when we go. When we go to America. I wish I could save her. I wish I could make her dreams come true. But I can't even save myself.

Glass Walls
She winked at me; but not at me. In the background, the other walks in. I know what she asked him because he told me what she asked. Lucky cover for the other two. But the other doesn't know. The other one leaves soon but the other will stay. Should I stay, or should I go. You should not judge a book by it's cover. Because in the end, you know what counts the most.

Superman
Too bad that she was all alone. I wanted to go but I was already committed. Torn between two, but one is not free. Not free to do what they want. The other, an eagle, that soars in the sky. I want to rescue both. But I can only rescue one. I can only rescue me.

Sailing Away
I knew it would come to this. I didn't want it to happen. But this is the way it is. Dependent on. But not so much anymore. Best friends formally, but just friends now. Used to do things together all the time. But now just occasionally. I always enjoy the time we have together.

Two Lions
Not a race to a finish line. Not a race but if it was, I'm ahead in the game. Try you, but blocked. Then a bird of prey bought me back to the starting line. But back, eventually, to where I was. Happy.

Cautious
She knows that I know that she knows. I know that she knows that I know. Told each other we have. Next to her I sit. I calculate. I process. I render. I chose to. Around her my arm envelopes. How endearing. Later do I place my mitt on her gam. Removes it, she does, still and all detaining my paw. Frolicsome she is as she caresses my hand. The first time in a long time to feel.

Jan 4, 2011

Cold and rainy day today. Stayed indoors as much as possible. Went with Ruben to pick up a package from the post office. Amber helped us locate the post office. Opened it up and shared some of the candy and snacks. Went to class tonight. Invited Dorothy, Lala, and Symon to try some of the American snacks. I bet Dorothy would eat it all if she could. Reuben and I talked to my our moms via Skype. It is always pleasant to talk to them and see a little bit of home.

January 3, 2011

Woke up early this morning. Went to class. Went back home. Cold, windy, and rainy today. Took a short nap. Ate spaghetti in the kitchen because it was the warmest place in this concrete fortress of solitude. Headed out back in the cold to hang out with a friend and teach her English. Picked up a tiramisu cheesecake and a walnut cheesecake. She ate them both. I actually wanted the walnut one, but I let her choose. She chose both. Baby sat two kids for a bit. They were so cute but I had to be stern when they pulled on my 围巾. They didn't believe I am American so they just called me an Extraterrestrial. Ate dinner, talked to more friends at the music shop via proxy Aya. Left the music shop and took an adventure back home in the cold wind and rain; I went a new route. Got home watched a movie and chatted with Dorothy via internet chat client. Off to bed and dreams of never never land.

Jan 2, 2011

Woke up at NOON today. Stayed up too late last night. I worked on some things for class. Then went to meet Brandy and Yutta at a local music shop. The owner [of the music shop] is also manager of a nearby bar who recently renovated it. They added a stage so bands can play music. We hung out at the music shop for a while. Mostly because we were waiting for a cab to drive by. The cab drivers are getting new cars. They used to have old green rugged ones and now they are crusin' in shiny blue ones. Mmm, toxic car smell. They are still issuing new cars so every now and then you can see old rugged green ones crawling along. We go to the bar to practice some music. Then we went out to eat. 好吃! Then back to the bar where I played drums, Brandy sung, and two other Chinese played bass and guitar. Then Reuben met up with us and soon after we went for a massage. Our regular masseuses were not present, so it was random masseuse night. I prefer to get new people every now and then. You get to meet new people, practice some Chinese, and each masseuse has their own technique. Back to home to sleep soon after this posting.

Jan 1, 2011

Welcome to what was the future. 2011.

Woke up rather early to clean the apartment before company arrived in the afternoon. Talked to Dorothy over internet instant messenger. She's the one who took me to a western restaurant the night prior. We met for lunch today and we went to a Chinese Restaurant that she has never been to. It was good eating. I don't know how they [the Chinese] can eat so much and stay so thin. Must be the pure natural whole foods. Most people have the day off on New Years day. It was so crowded. More so than usual. Dorothy had some jewelry cleaned and I got lost amongst the crowd. She told me not to move so she wouldn't have to hunt me down in the sea of people. Met up with Rube and Lala. We went to the apartment. Listened to music on the internet and viewed pictures from the previous weekend. We went to market. I was hypnotized by a goat face. It's eyes still intact. Staring just staring. Dorothy had to pull me away. Watched a chicken get chopped up. My Dad told me how his grandmother would catch a chicken and begin processing it into food. At least I did't have to see it alive. I stared at the goat face again. Went back home and the girls made us dinner. Brandy showed up later. We have no plates and only two bowls. So, we ate with food saver containers. Whatever works. Then we played a board game. Brandy left and we watched a movie. Probably too scary for the girls. Sorry. All we have are action movies and kung fu movies. Need to get the box so I can connect my computer to the Television. We walked them to get a taxi cab. Met up with Brandy. Rube went home. And Brandy and I went out for 4th meal. Awesome garlic bread, with mashed potatoes and bacon. Walked home through the newly discovered shortcut; saves me 20 minutes.